


annoying customer

by murderstag



Category: Askewniverse, Clerks. (1994), Mallrats (1995)
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Getting a Cat, Oneshot, Orgin story of annoying customer the cat, Pet Store, Short, Silly, Stealing, The Mall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-03
Updated: 2018-12-03
Packaged: 2019-09-05 08:43:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16807282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/murderstag/pseuds/murderstag
Summary: Jay loved going to the mall, for the food court and the comic book store, but most importantly, for the pet shop.





	annoying customer

It all started at the mall; Jay loved going to the mall, for the food court and the comic book store, but most importantly, for the pet shop. He _loved_ the pet shop. He thought the guniea pigs we’re cute, they reminded him of Bob. The big dogs sort of intimidated him, but they we’re still pretty cool. His favourites, however, we’re definitely the cats.

And on this paticular day they noticed a kitten at the store that was never there before. Jay basically had his face pressed against the glass window. “Look at the new kitty, Silent Bob!” He said while the tiny black kitten stared back at him with big green eyes.

Bob just gave a single head nod.

”Dude I fucking need this cat.”

Bob’s eyes widened.

”Dude the landlord won’t find out.”

Bob frantically threw his hands in the air.

”I know we don’t have money dude, but _you_ _do_ have a trenchcoat.”

Silent Bob shook his head. This is a bad idea, he thought. But when he saw the way Jay’s eyes lit up while holding the kitten, he figured maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

* * *

It’s been about a week since they stole the cat from the pet store. They decided to call him Bruce, since his black fur reminded them of Batman. 

Jay was laying on the floor, rubbing Bruce’s tummy when they heard a knock on the door.

“Oh fuck, dude! Shitshitshitshitshit!” And without thinking Jay shoved the kitten down Bob’s shirt and the door burst open. 

There stood their landlord, Joe. “What the hell are you knuckleheads doing?”

Jay struggled to find words as he wrapped his arms around Bob’s neck. “Oh... yknow, just- making out.”

Silent Bob facepalmed as Jay kissed his cheek. 

Joe squinted and scratched his bald head. “Listen... I’ve been hearing scratching on the walls and little noises in the middle of the night. Do you boys have a goddamn animal in here?” 

“Nah man.... we been fuckin.”

”Is that shit on the floor?”

”Lunchbox’s into some freaky shit.”

Silent Bob gave Jay a death glare and a meow came from his stomach. Joe raised his eyebrows at the men and Jay elbowed Bob in the shoulder, causing the bigger man to let out a “MEOW!”

Jay crossed his arms. “See? Motherfucker likes actin like a cat and shit.”

Joe sighed. “Look, boys... I’m not stupid. I know you’ve got a cat in here and you got three days to find it a new home or else you guys are getting kicked out.” And with that he walked out, slamming the door.

* * *

The hardest part of getting rid of the cat was deciding who to give it to, because there was no way they were taking him back to the pet store. Plus, Jay wanted to be able to see Bruce whenever he wanted.

T.S could take him, but his old lady’s allergic to cats. Banky and Holden we’re way too busy with their carrer to be taking care of a cat, and Alyssa already gets too much pussy as it as. 

So, they figured the best guys for the job were Dante and Randall.

Jay kicked open the door to the Quickstop, while holding Bruce, and shouted “Yo, whose wants a motherfuckin cat?!”

Dante’s head perked up. “What?”

Jay walked up and sat Bruce on the countertop in front of the boys. “This suave motherfucker right here is Bruce, well, we call em Brucie.” He patted the kitten’s head.

Randall looked up from his porn mag for a split second. “Like Bruce Banner?” 

“No, like Bruce Wayne you fuckin cocksmoker!”

Randall shrugged and drew his attention back to his girly mag. 

Jay sighed. “Look, imma be honest with yous quickstop boys for a second. This cat, means the world to me. And he’s not aloud at our apartment, so I really need you guys to take care of him, until Bob and I can find a new place.”

Dante stroked the tiny cat and smiled. “Well, he is kinda cute... I guess he could stay here at the quick stop for now, we could get him a little bed and a litter box and keep it behind the counter.”

Jay suddenly pulled Dante into a hug and exclaimed, “I love you, man!”

Dante’s face turned red and he chuckled, patting Jay’s back. “Okay, okay... Ease up burner boy.”

Jay cleared his throat and let go of Dante. “I love you Brucie boy... you be a good little kitty for these faggots, alright?” He said before kissing the kitten on the head.

He soluted Dante and wrapped his arm around Bob’s shoulder. “You guys are lifesavers!” And then they walked out, planning to visit the Quickstop a lot more often.


End file.
